Our new writing

We are learning to use strong active verbs in our writing, and show don't tell.  We were inspired by Edwin A. Hoey's poem 'Foul Shot'.  We chose a sport and visualised a moment, then thought about strong active verbs that would go with it.  Using Hoey's writing as a model we crafted our own.  They have been published in our publishing books, here is one from TaiSat...

Beep Beep Beep Beep!
Beep Beep Beep Beep!
Hop out of bed
Big day has come
The moment of truth
Dash to put on my uniform
Clothes,like a dove
“Come on Satch, time to go”
Mum shouts
Walking gently to the car
Hoping we make it in time
Roar up the beast
Here now
Opposing team looks tough
We can beat them, I hope
Other beasts arrive
Teammates hop out of them
Yes just not me!
High five
Starting
Wow
Opposition is good
15 runs
Our turn
SMACK!!!
15 has doubled itself
Its the beasts turn,
The champ of base ball....
Satchel
Ready to win this match
I'm like a swimming pool,(^^^)
Water collecting on my skin(^^^)
Nervous
Nerve wracked
The pitch
Balls gonna get blasted in....
3.....
.....2
.....1
.....blast off!
The bat shatters
Winners
Oh no
               Oh no
                          Oh no
Rocketing straight for them
Got to be lighting
Run
Make it
Win


 and one from OveJac...

Two 5’s stuck on the scoreboard
5 seconds on the clock.
the roar of the engine,screeching of  almost deafens me.
Shin guards scratching against my skin.
Boots squeezing my feet.
Right before the roar up, my foot thrashes the ball.
The ball
flies,
floats,
wobbles,
wavers,
and then
              and then
                            and then
                                          and then
                                                        right before the deafening whistle
                                                                                                             hits the crossbar and
bounces,
the goalie...
dives,
misses,
the ball,
goes...IN!!!